Contentment

Over the last three weeks, I have struggled with contentment. I was upset because I couldn't hear out of my left ear, I was upset that my antibiotics didn't seem to be working, I was upset that my antibiotics caused insomnia, I was upset that I couldn't do my job the way I wanted since I couldn't hear my students, etc. My life seemed to revolve around the statement, "When my ear pops..."

During the first two weeks, God asked me, "Would you be content and simply rest in me if you were never able to hear out of your ear again?" And for two weeks I fought with Him saying, "No. My ear must pop... I NEED to hear! I can't do my job, I can't reach my students, I can't do this ministry that you have called me to unless I can hear." (As if I know what is better for me than God, as if God doesn't already know what is good for me and what I really need...)

God continued to burn away the dross and continued, throughout the 3rd week of not being able to hear, to ask me if I would be content. I was stubborn while He continued to be patient with me, waiting for me to learn my lesson. After listening to a sermon from SGF last Sunday on 1 Peter 1: 6-9, a text dealing with joy and grief, rejoicing and trials... my heart was softened. Trials hurt sometimes, but I ought to rejoice in knowing that it will not always remain this way. I need to pray that my grief and my trails lead to an insatiable desire to one day be home, knowing that my journey here served a purpose. It is easy to become distracted... distracted by severe sinus infections, distracted by loss of hearing, distracted by simply waiting for the day my ear will pop, distracted by false joys and senses of security. But trials refine us by stripping away false joys (such as being able to hear perfectly), and help us to focus on the source of our true joy.

Paul talks in 2 Corinthians 12 about a thorn in his flesh... a trial, something that was seen as an obstruction to him. It says in verses 8-10, "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

After the sermon and reading about Paul, I knew that I could be content even if I wasn't able to hear again, so I finally said "yes" to God's question about contentment. That evening, my ear "popped." I was content... but I knew I still would have been even if it hadn't "popped". :)

May you find hope, joy and contentment in God alone.