The hardest part

The hardest part of being here in Thailand isn’t being far away from family or friends. It isn’t being away from Sovereign Grace. It isn’t missing specific foods or restaurants that I love, like Chipotle, Baker’s Square, Noodles & Company, and Panera. It isn’t missing the crunchy fall leaves, apple picking, the smell of bonfires, running in the cool weather, or seeing the beautiful colors. The hardest part of being here is knowing how desperately lost this country and my students are. My heart aches for them. Daily, they are presented with the glorious gospel and God’s richest mercies… and daily, they reject and scorn the precious gift. It’s so hard to not feel so burdened, knowing that ETERNITY is at stake.

During our weekly chapel time, the high school students have been learning about virtues. Yesterday’s chapel was on patience. The teacher who was speaking on patience not only talked about exerting patience in our own life, but also how God has been so patient with us. He talked about how God’s patience will not last forever though, as the coming of Christ is not far off. But as nobody knows when/how soon that day will come, we need to be prepared for that day. In other words: accept Christ as your personal Savior. (I believe that it is truly God that opens one’s heart and eyes to the glorious riches and beauty of the gospel though, not man’s doing/his own effort). To close chapel, students were invited to think over what was said during chapel as they listened to a song, but were allowed to leave quietly and go to homeroom when they were done examining their own heart. I was so saddened to see 90% of the student body just get up and walk out of the auditorium practically before the song even began.

I am so accustomed to teaching in Christian schools where the students ARE Christians, where they pay attention in chapel instead of falling asleep, where they are eager to sing praise instead of slumping down in their seat, where they are attentive to the speaker instead of talking to their friends. Teaching at TLO and CAB was comfortable and in a sense, “easy”. My heart didn’t ache so much for my students because I wasn’t as concerned about the condition of their souls. Here in Thailand, I am brought to my knees in prayer and sadness. I am left clinging to Isaiah 55:11, “so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” So I am trusting that God’s precious word will not come back void… trusting that His will be done… trusting that despite my flaws, my sin, my pride, my shame, that He would use me as His vessel to be a light here at ICS… trusting that God hears my cries and my prayers interceding for my students… trusting that God will continue to move, soften hearts, and open eyes because He doesn’t want anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9).

As I cried yesterday thinking how unfair it is that God would save me and perhaps not many of my students, Mike reminded me to find joy in my own salvation… to remember what it was like to be a rebellious enemy of God, scorning Him in every regard, but how God gave me beauty for ashes and a heart of flesh for a heart of stone. Mike also reminded me that mercy is not mercy if it is extended to everyone. It’s hard to accept… I struggle with election and with accepting not seeing some/many of my students “safely home” one day. It just gives me all the more reason to be here and share my life with them, to love them, to serve them, and to be on my knees praying for them. Won’t you join with me in praying for them?

Shane and Shane came out with a new CD. In our household, we love Shane and Shane. We love how their songs speak truth to us, how they are centered on Bible verses, and how they are wicked awesome guitar players and singers. One of their new songs, and actually the title of the new album, is called “Everything is Different.” As Mike and I listened to this song for the first time last night, we rejoiced in thankfulness knowing that everything is different in Christ… praise the Lord for that. I pray that everything would be different for my students and that Christ would overwhelm them with His love.

Everything is Different

Who am I to know Your glory
Who am I to recognize Your voice
Calling out

How could I be in Your story
God who was and is, and is to come
Who has won

I was dead in my sin
You came in, yeah

You made a way when there was no way
You covered heaviness with garments of praise
You wrote a song and you're singing it over me
I feel a dead heart beating now
This revelation makes me want to shout
That Jesus has been sent
And everything is different
Oh yes it is

You turn ashes into beauty
You are for me not against me now
You found me somehow

You turn mourning into dancing
You turn weeping into joyful noise
Oh rejoice

I was dead in my sin
You came in, yeah

You made a way when there was no way
You covered heaviness with garments of praise
You wrote a song and you're singing it over me
I feel a dead heart beating now
This revelation makes me want to shout
That Jesus has been sent
And everything is different
Oh yes it is

What manner of love
That You would call us sons and daughters
We call Abba Father
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
I will never be the same

You made a way when there was no way
You covered heaviness with garments of praise
You wrote a song and you're singing it over me
I feel a dead heart beating now
This revelation makes me want to shout
That Jesus has been sent

You made a way when there was no way
You covered heaviness with garments of praise
You wrote a song and you're singing it over me
I feel a dead heart beating now
This revelation makes me want to shout
That Jesus has been sent
And everything is different