Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Fighting for joy

I will be honest...these past few days, I have really been struggling to be joyful and content in my circumstances. A large part of it is just my pride and my desire for things to go the way I expect or in a way that doesn't inconvenience me.

Sunday mornings always throw us into a shift in schedule with church and a lack of a long morning nap. This essentially throws off the start of the week with tired and grumpy babies. Needless to say, there's part of me that doesn't look forward to going to church these days. Sunday night was filled with  Owen pooping in the bathtub, later having an explosive blowout diaper that got all over his pajamas, and then neither child going to sleep until 8:30. Monday morning, both kids were up earlier than anticipated, Emma had three massively poopy diapers within a two hour span of time and she was clingy and tired. Owen was particularly whiny, is currently in a stage of boycotting all solid foods so throws all his food on the floor, and then he was falling everywhere and hitting his head because he was tired, and stealing toys from Emma but hollering like a crazy man if she tried to get it back.

It is hard for me to put Owen down for a nap when Emma wants to cling to me or screams like a banshee if I set her down, so I usually wait for our helper, Miss Ning, to arrive first. She normally arrives around 9, but because we are in the rainy season, flooding will sometimes affect her commute. So by 9:30 when she arrived, I had two screaming babies and several poopy cloth diapers to spray out, I hadn't eaten breakfast and I was a mess emotionally. 

Sigh. It's hard to fight for joy in those moments. It's easy for me to give in to ugly thoughts and feelings towards my job as a mother, towards my husband who leaves each morning for work and can't help with the hard Monday mornings, towards Owen and Emma for not sleeping a bit longer so they aren't as tired and crabby.

So in trying to fight for joy this morning, I thought I would write down some things for which I am thankful, counteracting my poor attitude with gratefulness...

Beautiful and healthy babies
Great healthcare at an international hospital
A husband who cares for one of the twins in the middle of the night so I can get sleep
A husband who works hard so I can stay at home with our babies
A husband who decided not to coach soccer so he has more time with his family
A wonderful helper who loves our children
Technology to stay in touch with family and friends around the world
A church we are fed at
Time to read (and blog!) when Emma naps in a carrier on my chest
Time to cook
The new condo we are living in
Our car
The way Owen laughs hysterically when he thinks Emma is chasing him (she usually isn't) 
Toothy baby grins
Homemade caramel macchiatos
Friends who check in and are intentional about seeing me
Sprinkle water delivery so I don't have to fill up jugs of water from the filtered faucet anymore
How Emma loves kissing Owen, laying on his back and holding his hand
The way Emma is soothed by touching my face
A big oven
Babies that love to read and dance to music
Food delivery to my door
Cute cloth diapers that save us tons of money
Soft baby skin
Regular quiet times that I can stay awake for finally since I am not so sleep deprived. :)
Emma sleeping through the night
Small group
Air con
Cool breezes every now and again
The kiddie pool at school
Cheesy brats from the more American grocery store
The gospel
Homemade ice cream, particularly the favors that are hard to find here
Books that feed me and help me grow spiritually, as well as challenge my walk.
People buying my handmade cards/placing orders

There is so much for which to be grateful...so many more things than what has irritated me these past couple of days. So I cling to these precious gifts and the joy of the gospel and everything else grows strangely dim...because that's how you fight for joy.

1 comment:

  1. Thinking of all the things we are thankful for always takes our eyes off our troubles. This is a great list, Karly! You are surely blessed! Love you.